• You made me wait twenty minutes for this damn news? Do you even realise? Just like that, out of nowhere!
• I don’t know, Luca. Maybe it’s because we’ve known each other forever.
• But we only got back together a year ago. And it went well, better than before. You were wrong, you told me, the mistakes are over. We’ve never been so good, the two of us, in every way. And now, all of a sudden… what’s going on?
• Maybe you’re the one who can’t see what’s going on. For a month now I’ve been… strange.
• What do you mean, strange, when you don’t give me a single fucking sign!
• I told you: partly you don’t see, you don’t want to see… and partly I wanted to be sure. Do you think this makes me happy? I’m sorry, terribly sorry. Right now, of all times, just when your father has passed away. But if I pretend, if I carry on, it’s worse. It’s worse, for you too.
• Worse for me? Who feeds you this bullshit? You, of all people? Are you just fed up with me, or do you fancy someone else?
• Do you remember when we went to the seaside? I stayed silent, unbearable the whole day.
• You told me you had a stomach ache. I should have understood it wasn’t the omelette, but that things were beginning to go wrong… oh, come off it; the next day you were fine, nothing had changed.
• No, it had changed. At the sea I felt an emptiness in my stomach, a sense of tedium, of despair, only I didn’t understand it. I loved you and I have loved you for years, you’re kind, I’ll never find anyone as much fun as you, but I began to feel that…, I don’t know, there’s no future, that it was ending. For a month I’ve been drifting round the office like a ghost. Call me a bitch, think whatever you like. But the ugly thing is that things go on, they go on, like between us, until they don’t go on any more… I began to feel it then, and now I understand that I can’t… that’s just it, that I can’t go back, start over.
• I’ll ask again: do you fancy someone else?
• All right! There’s someone I like a little, but he’s a friend… he isn’t even chasing me. And anyway “like” is too much… I joke around with him, he’s clever. I told you, I changed without noticing. It’s a sign that something’s wrong. But I wouldn’t want anything to happen… that’s why I want to be honest now.
• What’s the fancy man’s name?
• No, it’s… let’s not start with the third degree. It has nothing to do with us, there’s no point telling you his name. You don’t know him. But even if you did…
• How can you talk like this and say you’re doing it out of affection. There’s nothing more cowardly than “decency”. You’re leaving me in the shit out of nowhere, in the shit! And right now, of all times, after my father… You make me jealous, you say you’ve no reason, and you even want me to understand. You offload everything and you do it for my sake too. From you I don’t expect it, I never expected it! How can you turn like this all of a sudden? Even if you like somebody… let’s stay together… problems are there, they’ll always be there… I don’t understand you, and it’s driving me out of my mind.
• Luca, it happened. Full stop. Think what you like, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I could have gone on pretending for a while, but I can’t!
• No, Claudia, I want to understand! Do you realise what a blow you’re dealing me! No, you don’t.
• Luca, I’m afraid it’s a fact. There’s nothing to understand. If it had happened to you, you’d say the same.
• Like hell it is! You’re not getting off that easy! You have to explain it to me. That much you owe me at least. I WANT TO UNDERSTAAAAND…

***

• Luca?
• Luca?
• Lucaaaa!
• Oh God, what is it, Mum!?
• You were screaming like a madman, “I want to understand”. What’s the matter? You had a nightmare.
• I don’t know. I don’t remember. I don’t feel well.
• You’re all red, sweaty. Let me feel your forehead. There… no, you’re cool. Come on, be quick, you have to go to school.
• I don’t feel up to it.
• Don’t talk nonsense. We talked about it yesterday, didn’t we? With Dad too. Today of all days, when they’re testing you in maths, now that you’ve won back some points with the teacher, now that you’ve studied… You don’t have a fever. Go on, be a good boy.
• Mum, I feel all muddled, and my head hurts.
• Luca! Dad explained it to you, the second year of middle school matters, and we’re at the end of the term. If you do well, as you will, the teachers will stop looking at you askance. That way you’ll move up to the third year with no black marks and no fours – in Italian and in maths, of all things. In the third year the future awaits you. Today’s oral test is a chance you can’t miss. Who knows how much depends on today.
• But I really don’t feel like it.
• And that I have understood. But you understand that it’s up to you and that you have to go even if you don’t feel like it. Come on! Wash up and go and have breakfast. Your caffelatte is on the table. I’ve made you the omelette sandwich for later.
• The omelette sandwich stinks at school.
• Fine. I’ll eat the sandwich myself! I’ll give you money for snacks.
• No, no… put it in my rucksack…
• Be quick, Dad’s waiting for you in the car, in the courtyard. Have you forgotten there’s a bus strike today?
• But… I need a bit of time…
• You have to hurry up, and besides, you’re not on your own.
• I’m not on my own…
• Do you remember who the engineer is? The new neighbour who lives on the first floor. He has a daughter and today he can’t take her. He asked Dad. She’s three years younger than you but she’s already in the fifth year. She’s pretty, you know? Very pretty… get a move on! Dad and Claudia are waiting for you. In twenty minutes.